I schedule my posts – so sorry, so this may say “this weekend” and mean last weekend. The message is important all the same. Writing from the weekend of August 26th.
A year ago, I left Los Angeles and in turn, broke up with this guy I had been seeing for about 6 months. We had been friends for approximately a year prior and he seemed okay until he fucked my whole life up.
Lately, I’ve been sauntering through life trying to figure out my next move . . . and it’s HARD. Leaving the film industry (even if temporarily) was so freeing, but I still want to take this creativity and put it towards something productive. On top of that, I need to find a
stable career that I find both fulfilling and healthy. If I cannot have time to myself to devote to stress relief, cooking, hiking, and writing (I used to work 12hr days 6 days a week), I know I won’t be happy or successful in whatever I choose. Now, that can mean a regular 9-5 or some strange freelance travel-writing position, but it can’t mean another job that requires 70+ hours of my week at something I don’t care about. That is just insane.
So here’s what I’ve been pondering in that time: “What determines happiness?”
When you lose everything and everyone,
it’s hard to stay on the tracks
until you notice you were pretending
and didn’t have anything to begin with.
Welcome to a blog post you’ve never seen before. This is about suicide and how to actively resist suicidal thoughts whether this be for you or a friend. Unlike my original post about Depression, this is more about the ‘suicidal thoughts’ aspect, which is really the worst and scariest symptom of depression, in my opinion.
Tell me it’s okay. I know it’s not, but I want you to tell me anyway.
The world is passing by in a wisp of smoke and I’ve lost sight of the ground.
Tell me who you are, who I am. Speak your words as loudly as you can because I can’t hear you from all the way over here.