Tinder: The Dos and Don’ts

If you’re a typical lonely human in the sad, sad world of growing individualistic technology, you may have downloaded the Tinder App at one point in your lifetime. At first, like most, I was skeptical of dating apps and dating websites. Online dating has had a bad reputation since it first came out. It’s for weird people who can’t find a date otherwise is the typical saying. Lately, however, online dating has blown up and since we spend so much time on our phones and less time in the company of actual living, breathing people, how can this come at a surprise?

Online dating may be for the shy, the new in town, or even someone who just wants to make a new friend outside of their own circle. It could be for someone who’s bored and wants to go bowling with a stranger and it can be especially helpful to see what’s out there after a painful and unexpected break-up. If you don’t take it too seriously (and you shouldn’t), dating is actually pretty fun! Think about it: you meet a new person who you find attractive and shares similar interests as you. You plan to do something fun together. How bad could that be? Well, actually, it can go horribly wrong, which is why you should always find your own transportation to a date in case you need to run out of there.

Anyway, like regular dating, I took Tinder way too seriously at first. The chances of finding a good guy in a sea of bad guys is painstakingly minimal. In fact, I’ve noticed many guys on Tinder fall into certain categories which I’ve labeled on my own as The Philosopher, The Guillotine, The Invisible Man, and The Cropper. In addition to the men who make really lame jokes that aren’t even remotely funny, those who do not use punctuation, and those who hint at domestic violence, men who fall into these categories make it really easy to weed out some of the bad ones.

1) The Philosopher

Screenshot_2014-12-27-12-15-48

The Philosopher includes an inspirational quote in his bio as if this one quote tells us everything we need to know about him as a potential date. He throws the quote out there, hoping it will make him seem intelligent and serve as a transparent mediator into his life’s mantra. Really, the quotes are just absurd and they don’t serve much of a purpose. A motivational quote and a few pictures of your face and/or car? What am I supposed to do with that? Swipe left.

How to fix it: If you have an inspirational quote, no matter how life-changing it may seem, just take it out and tell us some of your hobbies.

2) The Guillotine

Screenshot_2015-01-01-17-38-04Screenshot_2015-01-01-22-04-06

This seems a little violent and it kind of is if you’re showing us your body and not your face. The Guillotine is a photo in which part of a person’s face or their entire head has been cut off. Unless you meant to do that, Tinder has the option to move a photo up/down in order to crop it so that your face is showing. The feature comes up every time you upload a photo. I assume that those who cannot figure this out cannot figure out simple technology and I’m pretty sure this isn’t appealing.
How to fix it: Re-upload the photo and crop the photo correctly.

3) The Invisible Man

Screenshot_2014-12-27-12-10-57Screenshot_2014-12-27-17-21-04

The Invisible Man refers to someone who wears all camouflage or a mask in a photo. The point of the photo is for us to see what you look like. These photos serve no purpose to the dating pool. Sometimes, the man may also carry a gun. Holding a gun doesn’t make you particularly dateable. In fact, it may make you less so since guns have been known to be dangerous. I mean, hunt all you want, but understand that this does not make you desirable.

How to fix it: Upload a photo with your face uncovered, smiling, and try not to hold a weapon.

4) The Cropper

Screenshot_2014-12-18-20-35-41 Screenshot_2014-12-18-20-35-37

Why. Why has this happened? Why does this keep happening? So many people post the same picture twice, but also crop the second one differently. I have no assumptions about this. I do not understand this.

How to fix it: Delete all but one photo.

How to be Better:

Here are a few basic guidelines that can help your profile reach more swipe rights:

  • Make sure you upload more than one photo of yourself. People look different in photos than in real life, so if we get a few angles, it may help us to figure out what you look like and there’s a higher chance we’ll meet in person.
  • Smile in at least one of your photos. Smiling tells a lot about a person! If you have a good one, show it off!
  • Have at least one photo of you by yourself. Seeing your friends is great, but if your friend is more attractive than you, chances are someone will only swipe right for a chance to meet your friend. Also, if you have one photo of just yourself, it keeps us from guessing which one is you. If it’s too hard, we’ll just give up and swipe left.
  • Include a description. Remember that Tinder is just a bunch of photos. Do you really want someone to decide whether they will date you based on a few photos? Tell us a little about yourself – what you do for work, where you went to school, and some hobbies or interests. Make a joke – if you are funny. This will give us something to talk about and give us a bit of insight into who you are as a person.

Happy swiping everyone and good luck! Photos courtesy of People of Tinder and the respective bachelors.

10 thoughts on “Tinder: The Dos and Don’ts

  1. Love it! This in incredibly accurate when compared to my experience with the App. Although I have noticed one more type, similar to the Fish Bearer…they’re called the Car Salesmen. (Overcompensating much…?)

  2. and yet this only is true for you. we get it you have preferences, but some ladies don’t care about fucking these shmucks.

Any thoughts?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s